Mud Flap Girl’s XX Guide to Facial Profiling


Product Description

poems by

Nicole Hardy

Poetry chapbook, 40 pages, $7 cover price

ISBN: 978-1-59948-047-3

Released: 2006

Selected for publication after finishing as a finalist in the 2006 MSR Chapbook Contest.

About The Author

Nicole Hardy is a former stadium peanut chucker, tour guide, bartender, and envelope stuffer. She currently lives in Seattle where she works as a teacher and a waitress. She earned her MFA from the Bennington College Writing Seminars.


Mud Flap Girl on Natural Resources

Say I’m not smart, well read, well bred, or chic;
at least I know my audience. On tour,
I’m the Semi-Starlet, booked every week-
I’m Peterbilt-powered, far from demure.

So I’m objectified, my breasts scandalize,
my hips and thighs are super-sized-what else
would you expect from America’s muse?
Call me notorious, vainglorious,

I’m shameless, nameless, naughty and fast.
Oh, and supposedly the enemy
of every self-respecting feminist.
Whatever happened to the don’t hate me

because I’m beautiful school of work it
babe, whether or not you were born with it?

Mud Flap Girl on Being a Hot Commodity

You should’ve known better, boys, than to try
to keep me down. I’m a streetwise franchise,
recently promoted to pink. And why
shouldn’t I diversify? Visualize

prototype over archetype, I’m done
with witch whore virgin mother may I please
take ten leaps of social evolution
where I’ll rally my contemporaries:

a punk rock astronaut, an ingénue
bassoonist, roller derby scientists
and fashionistas who know what to do
with this year’s die-cut neo-feminist.

Any girl will go far when flaunting me
on her belt, her purse, or her glitter tee.

Mud Flap Girl on Farrah Fawcett’s Red Swimsuit Poster

Your body made flesh the male fantasy,
way back when. You outsold me, TV queen;
but royalties don’t buy longevity.
Time to think outside the hair, the small screen

stardom. It’s all about finding your niche;
so next time you decide to plagiarize,
don’t demean my pose-sit up straight, at least.
And quit trying so hard to tantalize.

There’s something to be said for mystery-
like nothing’s more pleasing than a teasing
silhouette. Your nipples made history,
hands down, but your former fans are chasing

me. Note my indifference; your better bet
is on a well-played game of hard to get.

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